was not able to sleep last night. went to bed early. at about 10 was off to room but laptop was on outside cos have to run somethings.. cant sleep.. its like super early? hahah... toss and turn, then rmembered bro! long time din contact hym. so called hym.. GUESS WHAT! he found a job! like OMG!!! was like so happy lah sey! hahaha.. we has been working hard to get a job seh.. finally god answered his prayers. may blessings be with him. but.. i pity him a bit.. hrrm.. tkper.. not for u al to knoe.. so yeah.. went on the phone with a friend. talk till about 1 am and sleep because its just getting worst.. hahaa.. kept irritating me more and more! bugger!~

but i was unable to sleep. at the moment. was so happy for bro.. then i started thinking of his words. my friends words. adam's words. all this came to me.. i was just talking to my heart. what does it wants? why all of a sudden, each time i think about it.. i feel very sad. why am i sacrificing so much? why?

i advice people, dunn lie to ur heart. but why am i doing it?! i advice people, dunn keep in ur heart. let it out. tell ur true feelings. but why cant i do that? why do i have to hide all this from everyone? i tell people its not a wrong thing and never take it as a wrong thing.. but me? am i doing it? no.

was about to doze off... rahman;s words came to my mind. he advice me not once.. but 4 times. yes.. it was suppose ment to be a joke.. but..... entah lah ehk.

at another moment, i felt happy ... because i have these people by my side. felt so grateful. god is just so great etting me meet this people. but again. hrrrrm.... will all this like .....? will it? will it not? if yes, for how long? how short? how fast? how slow?

farahin and yat came into my mind. to be frank, thats the third. (dun have to knoe third of what and all.. just read)..the news sounded bad. but good but sad and happy! and some disappointing.

are you telling me trough out my life.. this is my fate?
are you telling me trough out my life i will always find what that will be gone?
are you telling me trough out my life i shall hide in the darkness and appear bright?

where is .....?
when will i find ....?

went online with ahmed. again.. started thinking... ahemd was the 1st...haiz..
why do i have to always keep loosing .....
is this some kind of fate? ijit?
or its just not the right time?
every ones words are coming to my mind. i just do not knoe what to do!~

sometimes.. mostly.. rarely...fortnightly.. often:
we talk
we share
we work
we suffer
we scold each other for stupid jokes
we skive
we solve
we learn

what is this? fate?

owh ya.. the word fate.. hahaha. some one is just leaving alot to fate.. hehehe
and she sounded soooo Happy after getting "my" number. kekeke.. ok back to topic

if this is fate,
why do i still hear things that hurts?
that saddens me?
that shatters me?
that silence me?

oh god, please guide me. please. i have benn pondering over this for long. very long. just ant let it out. no matter how much i try, just cant let it out.
she was right: rahsia hati, tk sesiapa pun yang tahu.
but trust me. i have start thinking about this for weeks.. even in the day
please.. i was never put in this position.
why now that it comes
why now when we will be like in different world soon
why now when everything is about to end
why now when there is another gameplen

why?!
why!?
why?!

that took my whole night away. woke up for subuh prayers, after that.. went back to sleep. again.. cant sleep.. anly managed to doze of at about 0 but awaken by 10.
tomorrow, school starting soon.. i hope all this questions do not come back i just hoe it does not. i need sleep. this thinking better not overcome me in class. please...
maybe i shall just take all this as a stupid nonsense?
maybe i shall like just forget all about it?
just live with the flow?
how?
what should i do?
what?!

mrs syahid, ahmed, rahman, efa, farahin, adam.
these are the names of the pople who are advisers to me.hahaha...
ok.. i took 15 mins to blog this.. thats fast! hahahha.. ok away with all that..

i watched transformers like .... hahhahahahahawell..
nothing much to say
owh ya! i have a question for you all
what wil you do if some one teases u, and you can tease her back but u cant. because of certain reason. what will you do?
tomorrow's the day i have to like tolerate!
GERAM SIOL!
tkper
ader ubi ader batas...
ader hari.. BOLEH BALAS!
hahhahaahahahhahahahahahah
dah KEDAI TUTOP!
Diam!~
bye